The Philippines: 27 Years Later
Saying Goodbye and Hello Again
The resting place of my Grandparents, cleaned and redone by my amazing cousins
27 years ago my maternal grandmother passed away. I had spent the first four years of my life between living in Japan and spending time with family in the Philippines. Admittedly, my limited recollection of this time comes in flashes of moments, rather than complete memories. The only memory I remember vividly was my grandmother’s funeral. I recall my grieving mother hunched over the casket, in complete disbelief. Tears raining down her face. My father attempting to console her. The dead grass. The harsh sun. This was a pain my mother carried with her until her dying days.
Other major life events followed my grandmother’s death. Many were unfortunate with few positive ones being more personal rather than as a family. I believe my mother only returned to the Philippines twice since the funeral. At least one of those times, I was offered the chance to go with her. However, I had “moved on” with no desire to feel pain, because the memory of my grandmother’s funeral, mixed with the grief my mother felt, shadowed any other memories I had. I was scared and wanted to avoid the Philippines for as long as possible.
In 2020, my mother passed away shortly after retiring, with desires to move back to the Philippines to be closer to everything she had left behind. Since her passing, I had felt some regret over not revisiting the Philippines with her while she was still alive. The condo my sister and I were shopping for with her was replaced with a marble grave next to her mother. Her travel outfit was a black box housing her ashes. My first visit to the Philippines in 27 years being for her own funeral is…fucked up.
That said, my mother and her country still needed to be celebrated. This trip could not be completely shadowed by grief. I felt this desire by my sister and brother-in-law to not want me leaving the Philippines with another bad memory…
Much as been shown about the Philippines by travel bloggers over the years. The food, the island hopping, the beaches - all live up to the hype. However, during long stretches of car rides, driving in and around Barangays (think “village,” “district,” or “neighborhood” operating as their own mini-cities), during my mother’s funeral, and flying over the country, I found myself appreciating more than just the usually hyped features the Philippines has to offer.
It’s difficult to write about or show what I experienced, both because I’m still processing everything and for fear of crossing the line and engaging with what’s been termed as “poverty porn.” However, my biggest takeaway was that I saw and experienced a truly resilient people. Conditions in the Philippines, particularly the wage gap, are so extreme that the tallest, luxurious, most modern looking skyscraper in Manila is surrounded by metal scraps and cracked cement pieces making up someone’s home.
Yet, the culture and pride of the Philippines seem to remain strong among even the most destitute conditions. Filipinos don’t seem to want outsiders to feel sorry for them. Life is what it is but the most is made of it.
This all ties back to my mother. She lived her complicated life, filled with probably more downs than ups in her later years. Nevertheless, she always seemed to make the most of it. This trip was possible because of my mother; both a Goodbye to Her and Hello Again to the Country that created her and subsequently created a part of me.
Despite my experiences only scratching the surface, I loved coming back, even if it was under bittersweet circumstances. I loved feeling my mother’s presence in unexpected places.
It won’t take me another 27 years to be there again.
